Three Things You Will Never Change About Your Marriage and Ten Things You Can
by Elaine W. Miller
1. Did we ALL marry idiots? What caused you to name a book, We All Married Idiots: Three Things You Will Never Change About Your Marriage and Ten Things You Can.
Years ago during an argument with my husband I thought, I must have been an idiot to marry this idiot! Then I burst out laughing realizing that makes me an idiot too! Later I learned the word “idiot” is derived from the Greek word “common man.” Well, aren’t we all common man? In fact there was only one uncommon man—Jesus Christ. When we look to our spouses to fulfill needs that only Christ can fulfill, then husbands and wives become dissatisfied with their marriages. So yes, we all did marry idiots; and so did our spouses.
2. What is the purpose of We All Married Idiots?
With the divorce rate around 50% for Christians and non-Christians, my heart is broken for marriages. Too many couples give up too soon for too little reason. They enter a second marriage only to realize, Ugh, this person is an idiot too! My purpose is to change that divorce statistic. We All Married Idiots will help couples enjoy marriage as God intended. One were their mate is esteemed as a gift to treasure not as an idiot to tolerate.
3. What are the three things you will never change?
The first is the idiosyncrasies. We all have peculiar habits and do little things that annoy. We’d like to change our spouse’s idiosyncrasies, but honestly that is not what we promised on our wedding days. I’ve been to a lot of weddings and never heard this vow, “I promise to make a mental note of everything you do that annoys me and remind you of it as long as we both shall live.”
The second is sin. We all married sinners. Why would we do that? I love Elisabeth Elliot’s answer, “There was no one else to marry!” We all sin and sin inflicts pain. There will be times you and your spouse will hurt each other.
The third is the differences. Men and women don’t think the same. We have different ways of solving problems.
I promise you there is conflict in the marriage of two idiotic sinners who don’t think alike. We can’t change the struggles, but we can change how we respond when the idiosyncrasies, the sin, and the differences arise.
4. Why will this book strengthen marriages?
We All Married Idiots teaches husbands and wives to stop concentrating on the three things they will never change and focus on the ten things they can change. Too often couples spend the majority of their conflicts trying to change the three things they will never change. Talk about hitting a wall!
5. What is your best piece of marriage advice?
Oh there’s so much good marriage advice. In marriage we need to examine ourselves. Funny. I’ve read through the Bible seven times searching for a verse that says, “Examine your spouse.” It’s not there. But the Bible does say “examine yourself.” Couples are too quick to point the blaming finger at each other rather than ask God to point Your finger at me and show me what I am doing wrong.
Another word of advice is to give up your life and your marriage to God and hold on. Don’t let go. The problems you have today could be gone in five or ten years. I just don’t love him or her anymore is not a reason for a divorce. You don’t feel love today, but you could fall back in love next week or in three years. Marriage is not a sprint. It is a marathon. Husbands and wives grow up, mature, change for the better. Keep running towards the goal God has for your marriage. Of course, if you are in an abusive situation, I advise you to flee to a safe place and receive professional Christian counseling.
6. Why did you write We All Married Idiots?
I tried to give up on my marriage, but I was married to a man determined to hold on and to glorify God. He was committed to me for a lifetime. What a great guy and an amazing man of God! I can’t imagine my life without him. Realizing what my life would have been had I divorced him makes me shudder. I wrote We All Married Idiots to save marriages from the pain I inflicted on myself and on Dan. I wrote to glorify God and to change that awful 50% divorce rate.
We All Married Idiots is a great tool for individual study or couples to study together. I’d love to see it used in small-group home meetings where you invite your neighbors to study it with you. Think about it. Fifty percent of our neighbors are headed for divorce. We could change that statistic by reaching out to them with a We All Married Idiots small group. The questions at the end of each chapter are not threatening and do not require a theological degree to understand. As one reviewer said, “This is the most accessible Christian book I have ever read.”
Purchase information: http://www.amazon.com/We-All-Married-Idiots-Marriage/dp/0984765522/